The Joke Place

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SDRaiderH8er

Well-Known Member
Apr 27, 2006
11,372
1,848
350
62
Did you hear about the new deodorant?




Its called Umpire








It’s for Foul Balls
 

BFISA

Well-Known Member
Nov 16, 2005
41,136
2,142
350
Golf lesson of the Day





A young woman had been taking golf lessons.

She had just started playing her first round of golf when she

suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the

clubhouse for help and to complain.

Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, "Why are

you back in so early? What's wrong?"

"I was stung by a bee", she said.

"Where", he asked.

"Between the first and second hole", she replied.

He nodded knowingly and said, " Your stance is too wide."

:lol: :icon_rofl:
 

BFISA

Well-Known Member
Nov 16, 2005
41,136
2,142
350
The Smiths were proud of their family tradition. Their line had included senators, pastors, and Wall Street wizards. They decided to compile a family history. They hired an author. Only one problem arose: how to handle Uncle George, who went to the electric chair.
The author said not to worry, he could handle that tactfully.
When the book appeared, the family turned to the section on Uncle George.
There, they read, "George Smith occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution.
He was attached to his position by the strongest of ties.
His death came as a great shock."
 

BFISA

Well-Known Member
Nov 16, 2005
41,136
2,142
350
Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked,

"Is it true they're suin' them cigarette companies
fer causin' people to git cancer?"
"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.

"And now someone is suin' them fast food restaurants
fer makin' them fat an' cloggin' their arteries with all
them burgers an' fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?"
"Sure is, Bubba."

"And that lady sued McDonald's for millions when she
was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?"
"Yep."

"And that football player sued that university when he
gradiated and still couldn't read?"
"That's right," said the lawyer. "But why are you asking?"

"Well, I was thinkin' . . . What I want to know is, kin I sue
Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with ?"
 

BFISA

Well-Known Member
Nov 16, 2005
41,136
2,142
350
The Florida Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen, golfers and tourist in general to take extra precautions and keep alert for alligators while in the Lake Placid, Florida area.......

They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as
little bells on their shoes or clothing to alert but not startle the
alligators unexpectedly. They also advise the carrying of pepper spray in case of an encounter with an alligator.

It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of alligator
activity. People should learn to recognize the difference between small young alligator droppings and large adult alligator droppings.

Young alligator droppings are small and contain fish bones and
possibly bird feathers. Adult alligator droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray.
 

BFISA

Well-Known Member
Nov 16, 2005
41,136
2,142
350
How Many Bolt Talk Forum Posters Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?

1 to change the light bulb then post about it

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could've been changed differently

1 to move it to the Lighting folder

2 to argue and then move it to the Electrical folder

7 to point out grammar/spelling errors in post about changing light bulbs

5 to flame the spell checkers

3 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue whether it's a light bulb or lightbulb

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is Lamp

15 know it all who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb is perfectly correct

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take the discussion to the lightbulb forum

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

36 to discuss the dangers of changing light bulbs without a professional opinion

5 to post a disclaimer that they are not light bulb experts, nor do they play one on TV and that anyone planning on changing their own light bulb should consult a professional

7 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs

4 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then to post the correct URLs

3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add, "Me too."

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

4 to say, "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

13 to say, "Do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs."

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again