Number Crunching


Afraid to watch, can't look away...
Staff member
Mar 5, 2006

“The new phone books’s here! The new phone book’s here!”
-- Steve Martin in “The Jerk,” 1978

While I am of the earnest hope I’ll never be cast in the title role if they ever make “The Jerk II,” here’s one thing I’ll cop to immediately: If they ever make a movie called “The Dork,” my number’s in the book. I plead giddily guilty to the charge that the Chargers play-by-play guy is a stats geek … a numbers nut … King of the Nerds … a full-on Poindexter with a slide rule as his scepter.

That stated, there is no greater joy than opening the brand-new “NFL Record and Fact book,” published by the league and made available to all of us closet Myron Noodleman-types. I’ll repeat that: No Greater Joy. You can have your “watching the sun set on a private beach in Maui while drinking Crystal and getting a foot massage from Jessica Biel.” I’ll bequeath that one to my on-air partner, Hank Bauer. On this, the dawn of the new season, it is time to inhale the fresh ink off the pages of football’s statistical Bible.

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