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Pointyearedog

I only put idiots on ignore...
Aug 19, 2008
6,446
1,193
340
Golden Hill
Vern

Vernon works hard at the Phone Company but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local
strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Vern! How ya doing?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Vern."He's in my bowling league."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Vern if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Vern, starts to rub herself all
over him and says, "Hi Vern. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Vern's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Vern follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in
beside her.

Vern tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else,
but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book!

The cabby turns around and says, 'Geez Vern, you picked up a real bitch this time!'


VERN'S FUNERAL WILL BE FRIDAY AT 2:00 PM


Pointy :cry:
 

Pointyearedog

I only put idiots on ignore...
Aug 19, 2008
6,446
1,193
340
Golden Hill
A Gun Story

A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his un-holstered pistol and yelled,
"I have a .45 caliber Colt 1911 with a seven round magazine plus one in the chamber and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife?!!"
A voice from the back of the room called out,"You need more ammo!”


Pointy :D
 

Pointyearedog

I only put idiots on ignore...
Aug 19, 2008
6,446
1,193
340
Golden Hill
Say It With Flowers

Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in. She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!'
'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase somewhere!'


Pointy :rolleyes:
 

Pointyearedog

I only put idiots on ignore...
Aug 19, 2008
6,446
1,193
340
Golden Hill
Super Bowl Tickets

My nephew has two tickets for the 2017 Super bowl. Box seats plus airfares and hotel accommodation, but he didn't realize when he received them that this is going to be on the same day as his wedding - so he can't go. If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St Peter's Church in Chicago at 5pm. Her name's Brenda. She will be the one in the white dress.


Pointy :p
 

Pointyearedog

I only put idiots on ignore...
Aug 19, 2008
6,446
1,193
340
Golden Hill
Middle East Earthquake

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East .
Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.
Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock.
Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil & monetary assistance.
Latin American countries are sending clothing.
New Zealand and Australia are sending sheep, cattle and food crops.
The Asian countries are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure.
Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.
President Trump, not to be outdone, is sending back two million replacement Muslims.


Pointy :rolleyes:
 

Lance19

BoltTalker
Oct 2, 2011
7,150
1,380
350
Wherever these Valkyries drop me...
Middle East Earthquake

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East .
Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.
Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock.
Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil & monetary assistance.
Latin American countries are sending clothing.
New Zealand and Australia are sending sheep, cattle and food crops.
The Asian countries are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure.
Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.
President Trump, not to be outdone, is sending back two million replacement Muslims.


Pointy :rolleyes:
Ahhh, who said the "Dark Ages" had to end with the 10th Century...?
 

Blitzy

Spanos Chargers Troll
May 7, 2011
8,624
254
340
56
North County
Relax folks, he still has 70 or so more days to take the oath of office, so we will most likely live till then to suffer a few more Chargers blown games and losses :D
 

Blitzy

Spanos Chargers Troll
May 7, 2011
8,624
254
340
56
North County
In other news today, the Clintons in a conference call to surrogates and donors placed the blame of HRC's loss on "external forces".

Lady, I voted for you while I held my nose and I also encouraged as many as I could reach to vote for you and yet, you managed to fail to a horrible candidate and a horrid person whose unpopularity was only higher to that of yours!!!

Your message was weak, you were uninspiring, your integrity (rightly so) was in doubt (bigly if I may add) and your party apparatus was archaic and mundane. Plus the 4 years of gridlock and constant investigations if you were to be elected would have brought about a much more dangerous Alt. Right candidate to the scene instead of the mental midget conman who we got in this cycle.

The Dems need to burn it down before the a Sphinx rises from their ashes and Mrs. Clinton, please take some larger responsibility for the ineptness of the messenger instead of blaming everyone else but the ONE!!!

Moral of the story? Political Dynasties do not work in this Country thank gawd! Both Bushies and the Clintons are finito and I sincerely hope the Michelle O has the good sense to stay completely out of the BS 2020 run talk!
 

Lance19

BoltTalker
Oct 2, 2011
7,150
1,380
350
Wherever these Valkyries drop me...
In other news today, the Clintons in a conference call to surrogates and donors placed the blame of HRC's loss on "external forces".

Lady, I voted for you while I held my nose and I also encouraged as many as I could reach to vote for you and yet, you managed to fail to a horrible candidate and a horrid person whose unpopularity was only higher to that of yours!!!

Your message was weak, you were uninspiring, your integrity (rightly so) was in doubt (bigly if I may add) and your party apparatus was archaic and mundane. Plus the 4 years of gridlock and constant investigations if you were to be elected would have brought about a much more dangerous Alt. Right candidate to the scene instead of the mental midget conman who we got in this cycle.

The Dems need to burn it down before the a Sphinx rises from their ashes and Mrs. Clinton, please take some larger responsibility for the ineptness of the messenger instead of blaming everyone else but the ONE!!!

Moral of the story? Political Dynasties do not work in this Country thank gawd! Both Bushies and the Clintons are finito and I sincerely hope the Michelle O has the good sense to stay completely out of the BS 2020 run talk!
Just curious: If the "Dems need to burn it down," what's your advice to the Republicans (who got 400,000 less votes) ?